One day by David Nicholls
Last week I read One Day by David Nicholls and I can’t stop thinking about it. (Don’t worry, I won’t give any spoilers.
It’s not my usual type of book. I normally read fantasy books where I can escape into magical worlds with a sassy female protagonist and a handsome man who is a vampire or a demon or a high lord of the night court.
This book wasn’t an escape. It was the opposite. It was a book that jolted me to reality.
The book starts with 2 characters - Emma and Dexter - as they graduate from university. They’re young, with their whole future ahead of them and they discuss their hopes and plans for their lives. Each subsequent chapter is a snapshot of their lives on that same day (15th July) for the next 20 years.
As soon as I started reading it, I knew it was A. Very. Important. Book. I just knew it was going to change me.
It’s a well-written book with lovable characters, but flying through 20 years with these characters within 1 week of reading - from them being young and hopeful about their future to then experiencing the ups and downs and unexpected events of life was…uncomfortable. And by uncomfortable, I mean panic inducing.
It reminded me how quickly time seems to be going for me as well (and how I am also not living the life I thought I’d have).
When I was younger, I attended the same primary school as my dad. And when he would pick me up, he would reminisce about his own days at that school and say ‘It’s crazy how time flies. It feels like just yesterday that I was walking this same path. I don’t know where the years have gone.” And even at that age, though I couldn’t articulate it at the time, I remember feeling uncomfortable at that thought. ‘How do you lose that many years?’ I would think. This was followed immediately by an unwavering certainty that that would never happen to me. Life would never pass me by. I would never lose a bunch of years and look back confused.
And yet, last year when I was turning 30, I had the same thought as my dad. “How did this happen?” It’s been 7 years since I graduated yet it only feels like a couple of years ago. Where did the years go and what have I done with them? And, a scarier thought, what if I blink and suddenly find myself 40 years old and wondering the same thing? It’s one thing for time to fly when you’re having fun, but another for it to be an indistinguishable blur.
So when I was turning 30, I made a vow to not let the years pass me by. I vowed to be more intentional with my time. I went on a family holiday. I visited some friends in London. I made a list of activities or events to experience. I started to cherish all the little moments too, realising that these moments are life. Picking my mum up from work was no longer a chore but quality time. When sitting with family, I treasured the aimless conversations and the banter and didn’t think about whether I should be working on my writing or working out at the gym. For a while, I was intentional and present for moments in my life.
But at some point, I slipped back into being on auto-pilot. I like my routines, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but the danger with routine is that the days blur into a week and the week blurs into a month and then another year has gone by and my life looks exactly the same.
Every so often, the panic bubbles inside of me, just below the surface, trying to break through. I feel like I’m hurtling through life, on a rollercoaster that I was excited to get on, but is now going too fast for me to enjoy the ride. And I feel sick. But then I look at my to-do list, full of chores and work tasks, and realise I don’t have time for panic. I’ve got stuff to do; I need to do my laundry and then I need to go into the office and then to the gym after that.
This book made it impossible to push down The Panic; it caused The Panic to burst through the surface and now I’m feeling an urgency for life. I think I should be feeling purpose, awakened with a renewed zest for life, or maybe even a zen acceptance, but currently it’s just panic and urgency.
This month, I celebrate another birthday and despite the vow I made on my 30th birthday, another year has flown by again. So as I embark upon this year, I hope this time I can transform The Panic into something positive and long-lasting. I hope that this year I am brave and authentic and present for all the important moments in my life and that this time next year, when I look back, I can say I’m really happy with how the year passed.
